Thursday, May 10, 2012

"Support DUMB, Save Straight Marriage" by guest writer Harry Axelrod


In my continuing effort to give an equal voice to people I disagree with, I’ve opened up my blog to another guest writer this week.  As most of us that have the ability to read already know, North Carolina and its voters have decided that they needed an amendment to protect people from marrying other people that they love…unless they are of the opposite sex.  It was perplexing to me only because I possess logic, intelligence, and have the ability to make rational decisions (and that is my burden to bear).  I wanted to hear from one of the supporters of the amendment but I didn’t just want it to be some random voter plucked off the street.  I wanted someone who was deep into the crevice of the fight to keep marriage straight.  I met with Harry Axelrod of the group, Protecting Marriage’s Sanctity, and asked him if he would like a forum.  I explained that my readers love to hear from different views and that I was sure that he would be welcomed with open arms.   Mr. Axelrod founded his group in 2001 when he first feared the possibility of gay people marrying and he is stationed out of Eureka, North Carolina.  So without further ado,  I present Harry Axelrod.

We dodged a bullet the other day America.  North Carolina and the rest of the great Southern states were under attack and we prevailed….for now.  The gays were trying to get married in our great state.  I know it sounds preposterous but it’s true.  Some of the liberal left will try to tell you that there is no harm in letting them marry.  They will say that it really shouldn’t bother anyone if gays marry.  Well I wanted to take this time and this opportunity to tell you why you should care and why gay men in love with other gay men getting married are dangerous.

Number one, and I think this is well known and obvious but I still need to address it, gay marriage will ultimately destroy the sanctity of marriage.  Why?  Because ultimately my marriage, your marriage, and every other church sanctioned man-woman marriage will be considered void.  And this is what the gays want.  They don’t want to marry each other out of the pure love for one another.  They don’t want to be considered equals and share their lives together like every other American citizen has the right to.  No, they want to make sure all of our REAL marriages are destroyed.  Just look at it.  Let’s say that Bobby is married to Peggy.  They have a white house with a picket fence, two children, and a dog.  They are America’s standard, but if gay marriage were legalized Bobby would leave Peggy, change his name to Roberto, wear earrings, and marry Joey the plumber and Peggy dies on an overdose of Xanax and Jim Beam and the children will have no parents.  That’s what the gays want to do to our beautiful institution of marriage.  Gays want to leave a trail of depressed dead women and orphans.

Number two, gays want to eradicate the human race.  It’s a well-known fact that gay people will only raise gay children (if they are allowed to marry and adopt) and that will just cause a further epidemic of gayness.  Pretty soon everyone will be gay-married, because the gay kids will marry one another, no one will be able to reproduce because there is no womb in a man’s rectum, and the human race will be extinct like the dinosaurs.  Gays are to the human race what premarital sex is to a promising future…you can’t have both.  And just think about it a little further, when no babies are being born, there will be no need for schools which will leave millions of unemployed teachers.  Gays hate teachers and education.  Gaydom is trying to tear down our society. 

I could easily list at least 985,987 different bullet points as to how gay marriage will thrust a hot poker of death in the anus of America, but I don’t believe you want to sit here and read that much.  I think that in your souls that you know that allowing two human beings who are in love with each other to enter into a committed union together is the last thing that our nation needs.  We need to stop it.  We don’t need to worry about unemployment, health care, social security, or national defense.  All of that will take care of itself once we stop gay people from marrying each other because as science (and by science I mean Pat Robertson and the late Jerry Falwell) tells us, gays are the reason for every bad thing that has happened to America…ever.  If we can eliminate gay marriage, we can ultimately break the will of all of these gays and turn straight in despair.  They will have no choice but to be straight once we deny them the right to marriage.  I know this because science also tells us that being gay is a choice, so if one can choose to be gay then they can choose to be straight as well.  So join me and my fellow members of PMS to march on Washington to demand that our bill for marriage protection be brought to Congress and Senate.  I have drafted a bill in my spare time between teaching kindergarteners that will ultimately put this gay marriage issue to rest.  It’s called Defending the Union of Marriage Bill or DUMB for short.  My bill, if passed or even considered, will make it a federal offense to even try to get gay-married, it will abolish all the so called “unions” granted by the devil states before, and it will rescue all the children adopted by the well to do, rich gay couples and place them in loving orphanages run by my wife, Lucy Axelrod.  We can save this country, we can all follow the steps of North Carolina and their progressive stance.  I urge you all to write your Congressmen and demand that PMS should be heard and that you support DUMB.  Thank you.