The Return of Dr. Sleepy and his advice

It’s been a couple of weeks since the last installment of my logical, bullet-proof, advice and I felt that it was time to return.  Oddly enough just when I was starting to think about it, I got three new e-mails asking for my wisdom.  So now in the late night hours, I will respond with well thought out, measured responses to your queries because quite frankly it’s the only peaceful time in the Good Doctor’s household.

Not so subtle, blatant, subliminal sign
that could possibly relate to this problem

I have been dating this girl now for three months.  She is very attractive and we have a lot in common.  In the beginning, everything between us was very passionate but lately she has begun to act like sex is a chore to her.  We went two weeks without sex and then when we did finally have at it she acted like she was “taking one for the team”.  She has no desire for sex now whatsoever.  She explained to me that she becomes apathetic and uninterested in sex or just about anything during the winter.  I don’t want to be the shallow dick that dumps his girlfriend over lack of sex.  I’ve read up about Seasonal Affective Disorder and other possibilities of maybe helping the situation because she is tired all the time.  This has become a fight between us all the time whenever it is brought up.  What do you think I should do at this point? – Anonymous reader (also I shortened the actual message down but I did hit the highlights)

Well that my friend that is quite a vortex of bad shit.   However, I do have some thoughts. You said that its only been 3 months, you are only 25 or 26 (as best as I can tell), and the sex thing is a recent struggle.  First we can look at the 3 months thing.  In the grand scheme of things in relationships and life, 3 months is merely a blink of an eye.  In the first 3 months of any relationship you are supposed to be only seeing the good shit about each other.  You are supposed to never fight, you are supposed to have amazing sex every day, and you both show only all the positive aspects of yourself.  Basically the first 3 months are supposed to be kind of a big lie.  It’s when you both lay the groundwork of future expectations that will never be fulfilled.  It’s usually when you keep all of those embarrassing skeletons hidden in your closet for just a little longer.  For example, when my ex-girlfriend and I had started dating she told me that I was only like the third guy she had been with, we had sex all the time, and she never complained of any of my music or movie choices.  After about 3 or 4 months passed, I learned that I was her 24^th partner, the sexing started to slow down, and she openly bitched about how terrible my music was (we still dug the same movies though).  I didn’t see the signs or actually I did see them but I ignored them, but you have to look at things that change after that 90 day period.  It’s just like most entry-level jobs, you have a 90 day probationary period and if it’s not working out…you get fired.  You need to examine what has changed these last 90 days and then decide if she is worth staying with. 

You did also mention that you thought it might be a hormonal or SAD situation because she is feeling tired all the time and is completely apathetic to everything.  In this case I would suggest that she see a doctor, see if anything is wrong, and get some happy pills.  There’s no shame in that.  If her hormones are jacked up, they can give her a cream or an injection or she can take a few rounds of hormonal pills to balance her out.  If she is depressed or SAD, then they can give her mood stabilizers like Xanax or Prozac and she can perhaps be “happy” again.  The only downside to that is, she still will have a decreased sex drive but at least she’ll be happier. 

Also remember, you are only 25 or 26.  You are young.  You have until at least like 35 before you will be forever alone.  You don’t have to tie yourself down to one option, because at that age, the dating pool is a vast wilderness full of different women and you are a hunter with enough ammo to last you until you are 35.  So go out there and hunt until you find the right thing…and then shoot it and take it home. 

I hope this helped, and if it didn’t I hope it at least gave you some things to think about.

Sleepy, I’ve been talking on and off with this girl for several months now.  At times we’ve been serious and other times extremely casual.  Over the past couple of months it has slowed down to just the occasional phone call but then the other day we saw each other.  We hung out, we made out, we talked, had a good time, and then went our separate ways.  I don’t know how I feel about her yet.  I told her that I would call her but now that we actually saw each other again I don’t know what to do.  There’s nothing actually wrong with her but I just don’t know what I want.   I still have yet to call her.– Anonymous guy

Ok, this one is relatively simple in comparison to the guy before you.  If you have talked on and off for an extended amount of time, saw each other occasionally, and then after a long hiatus you all hung out and enjoyed each other, then I see that it should go one of two ways. 

1.)  You call her, say “Hey, I had fun the other night.  We should get together again” and let it flow from there.  Give it a whirl, see what happens.  Maybe nothing will happen, maybe it will suck and you’ll say “Dammit, why did I listen to that Sleepy Dusty guy?  Who the hell calls themselves “Sleepy” anyway?  Screw that asshole and his advice.”  Or maybe you’ll say, “Thank God, I listened to Dusty.  This is fantastic.  She is everything I’ve wanted in a girl and more.  I’m so happy and I owe it all to Dusty!!!”

2.)  You call her and say, “I’ve thought about it and I just don’t know what I want in life right now.  I don’t want to drag you along, so it was nice hanging with you but like the great Robert Plant said ‘I’ve gotta ramble on, baby” and be done with it.

Either way, you can’t leave her hanging.  It’s bad karma.  Conversations that go like the second one can be uncomfortable but they are necessary.  I’ve done the “no-calling-back” thing in the past and it has bitten me in the ass every time, I ended up with a weird stalker thing.

Ok so this column ran a little long, so I will get to the other question and future questions on the next one.  I’ll have it out maybe in a couple of days as a “bonus”.

Also please remember to share this blog with others, and you can go to my Facebook page here and like it to keep up to date with all of my weirdness.  If you have any of your own “love” or otherwise questions you can message me on my Facebook page or send me an e-mail to dustyelliott95@yahoo.com.

The "Unwritten" Rules to Run for Politcal Office

It doesn't matter, mythical creatures
never get elected.

Rules to Run for Political Office

There are many accepted norms and expectations we have for the fine, upstanding citizens that run for political office like; lower taxes, create jobs, better education, love gay people (Democratic nominees only), oppose gay people (GOP nominees only), and other basic principles but often overlooked are the unspoken rules.  This year as I’ve watched all of the GOP madness, I have seen so many of these unspoken rules broken or simply discarded.  I wanted to offer my assistance and finally put in print three of the principal rules amongst the many that have to be followed in order to get in.

1.       Disguise your hate speech!!

I know that this sounds like pure common sense but many of these politicos simply have brain farts and blab out crazy things like “gays are trying to steal Christmas” or “slavery kept black families together” or referring to the sitting president as a “tar baby”.  If one wants to run for office in this day and time they cannot be so overtly racist, they have to have the “subtlety of racism” as Jimmy Carter described Newt Gingrich when he made reference to our “food stamp president” and all of the “welfare mommas” out there.  Although to me, Jimmy, that doesn’t sound all that subtle.  Or you could make the ultimate mistake, you could say such outlandish, overt, over-the-top crazy homophobic statements like Rick Santorum and forever have your name associated with lube and fecal matter (http://spreadingsantorum.com/ check it out if you don’t know what I’m talking about).  If you use to much of this rhetoric you are going to wind up like Bachmann and Perry, you will have to drop out because you’ve made it too obvious.  Sure they are fine with their actual views, but they sure wish they’d find a way not to make it a little more subtle.

2.       Take care of your mistresses!!

This rule used to be at the forefront of our politicians’ and public figures’ agendas.  John F. Kennedy knew how to keep the ladies quiet and satisfied.  You didn’t see every cocktail waitress that gave him a handy run to the press or file a lawsuit.  No, politicians of the old era knew that keeping their affairs quiet and private so of the upmost importance.  Abraham Lincoln knew that he couldn’t go prancing about the streets of Washington with his boy-toys, he kept it on the hush and his male companions knew the score too.  Now?  They have all forgotten this rule.  I think it probably started with Clinton forgetting to call Monica back; a woman doesn’t like to be ignored.  A woman scorned is just as dangerous as a politician with a bad idea.  Herman Cain’s downfall was his love of the ladies and his complete inability to keep them quiet.  Cain went about it all wrong, he was trying to force girls’ heads into his lap and shove his hand up their skirts.  Herman, women don’t like that.  Of course they are going to talk if you do pull some rapist moves like that.  But let’s say that you want to run for office and you are having a non-rapist like sexual affair with a woman or man that you are not married to; what do you do then?  How do you keep them quiet?  I’ll tell you.  Don’t make them any promises that you can’t uphold, tell them upfront what the affair really is, explain the need for discretion, and if they are not okay with any of that, well, you’ll have to kill them.  Or maybe you could just not have the affair.  Either one will work.

3.       Take the skeletons out of the closet and bury them.

I know, this seems obvious too but these new politicians seem to forget it.  Not only are they forgetting to bury their skeletons, some actually flaunt them.  My favorite example of this phenomenon this season was Michele Bachmann and her husband.  Michele not only forgot to hide her obvious self-hating homosexual husband but actually flaunted him around as one of her political strategists.  (http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2011/06/29/257646/bachmanns-husband-calls-homosexuals-barbarians-who-need-to-be-educated-and-disciplined/?mobile=nc)  It’s really not a problem of him being gay; it’s the part where he is a doctor with a clinic dedicated to rehabilitating barbaric gays into respectable hetero heroes.  Instead of flaunting him around and putting him at the forefront of her campaign, she should have sent him on a yearlong vacation to Thailand with a ladyboy and denied his existence.  Rick Perry forgot to literally bury that “Niggerhead” rock on his hunting ranch.  He said he painted over it, but that is one of the skeletons that could have easily been buried or blown up.  As a politician, one has to learn that all the embarrassing things of one’s past must be hidden and if it is still discovered try to come up with a better story than “I painted over it”. 

Of course there are other's like:  Don't forget to lie but wrap it with truth, Make Big Promises that you can never back up, and many others.

If you've made it this far do me a favor, if you like what I do and want to help out go to my Facebook fan page at http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Grumpy-Cynical-Thirtysomething/184495148315820 and give me a like, it will make me like you that much more.

Be Cool Day....The New National Holiday

The New Year is always believed to be a time of renewal, of good feelings, and of fresh starts.  That, at least, is the belief and hope of us all.  I’m not sure what makes us think that the arbitrary changing of numbers on a calendar is going to make a difference but we do.  I always want each year to make some giant change or difference in the world but when it comes down to it I don’t take the necessary steps to do anything and rather I find myself sitting idly by and watching the world change around me.  This past year I finally took a step to change my own reality and I’m happy that I did.  I started writing and publishing my thoughts and ideas.  Sure, it’s on a small scale but that doesn’t matter, a tsunami can start with a mere ripple in the water.  This year I want to do something else while I continue my writing venture and see where it takes me.  I want to start a movement for everyone to do something so simple yet so important.  The idea came to me and initially it sounded like a dumb hippy move that sounded ridiculous but then I thought about it.  I wanted to have a day where everyone just drops their boundaries, drops their preconceived notions, drops their animosity, and just decides to be cool to one another.

I know what you are probably thinking, “Well, duh, of course we should all be cool to one another.  I do that anyway” or “Dusty, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”   Well, that’s kind of what I thought initially too.  When I say that everyone should be cool, I mean everyone.  In particular, I want people that normally don’t get a long or people that disagree to get along starting with just a day.  I’d love to see someone like Rick Santorum give a hug to Clay Aiken.  I’d love to see the current Imperial Wizard of the KKK give a friendly handshake with a Muslim.  It would warm my heart to see Newt Gingrich and Barack Obama dance a jig together to The Gourd’s cover of “Gin and Juice”.  But you see all of that is on a large, public scale and nothing ever goes to the top without starting at the bottom.  A movement of people being cool to one another, even just for a day, would have to start small.  It would mean two ex-friends that haven’t spoken to one another in 5 years to call each other up and say, “Hey old friend.  How are you?”  It would take the restraint of the normally impatient businessman waiting in line at the Starbucks behind the indecisive teenage girl to simply say, “It’s okay, take your time.”  It would start with the mother and daughter who’ve lived in constant strife with one another throughout their entire co-existence to shut up and give each other a hug.  Any change of view or behavior always starts off small.

You might be thinking, “Why?”  Well the way I see it is that we’ve all become too involved and too self-centered with ourselves.  We seem to always be looking at the wrong that someone else is doing and not looking at our own.  So much energy is spent on being negative to one another, just look at the current GOP race.  Each candidate is spending untold energy, money, and resources on bashing and bad mouthing the others.  Aren’t they all supposed to be on the same team?  Shouldn’t they be more concerned with making this country and this world a better place and put aside their own selfish wants?   Look at the whole Occupy Wall Street movement.  The uber-rich stomping on the mediocre and poor.  Men in $10,000 suits making decisions that could crush those who make $30,000 per year.  Wouldn’t it be great to see these banker’s giving back and getting rid of these ridiculous loan rates?  Look at people like Perez Hilton who is seemingly always involved in some sort of celebrity feud where it boils down to him making fun of some attribute of the celebrity.  Entire TV shows and magazines are functioning solely on finding and reporting bitchy little insignificant things about pseudo-celebrities.  People build entire careers on being assholes.  Yeah, sometimes it’s funny and yes, I am guilty of it myself at many times in my life but what would happen if it could all change for a day?

Nothing much would happen if this happened on one random day, but what if it extended into another day and then a week, a month, a year, or a lifetime?  If on this random day of being cool to one another, we could take an inventory of ourselves, see what others see in us, what would we find?  Would you be happy with others perception of you?  Would you be proud of your actions?  Would you reconsider how you treat your friends, your family, or your fellow human beings?  I think a lot of people would.  I believe that a lot could change.  As a society, right now, we have never been as close yet so far apart from each other.  Things like the internet and social media keep us all wired to information and one another but yet so many people allow themselves to be separated by their different ideologies.  I try not to isolate myself from people with different ideas and beliefs.  I’m friends with Christians, Atheists, Gays, Transgenders, Republicans, and Democrats.  I figure that it is best to learn all I can from people different than myself.  I don’t want to limit my own personal education with small minded bigotry.  I may not agree with everyone’s beliefs but I can listen.  My problem comes in when those beliefs or ideas are used to hurt others or when people stand behind their own hypocrisy without blinking and eye.  I think we should all make a concentrated effort to be cool with someone we would normally be disgusted with.

It’s a hard concept to truly wrap your mind around even if it does sound simplistic.  Imagine that you are at Wal Mart, you have 3 items total in your buggy, every cashier is lined up, and out of the corner of your eye you see a new line open up.  You start to rush to it and from the opposite direction a woman with her 4 screaming kids come barreling in front of you with a cart that could potentially break down a semi-truck.  Your normal impulses would say to you, “Oh come on, I’ve only got 3 items.  Can’t you let me go…bitch”  But on my national day of coolness, you resist that urge, you smile and nod to the woman as she proceeds to take the next 30 minutes of your life while checking out.  It would be hard to do right?  But that’s part of it, it would be nice to see people putting aside small things and that could eventually lead to bigger conflicts being put aside.  Just think if you’re random act of kindness or non-bitchiness could lead to Israel and Palestine coming together for square dance party. 

So here is what I’m asking of anyone who reads this:  On January 13^th 2012, (yes that is Friday the 13^th) put aside your petty issues and anger with others and go out of your way to be cool to them because I officially declare January 13^th “Be Cool Day”.  Take a moment to learn something about someone completely different than you without the preconceived notions.  If you are a Christian, take a moment to talk to an Atheist.  You don’t have to change your ideology, but at least you can gain a perspective.  If you are a homophobe, get to know a gay dude.  Maybe you’ll figure out that it doesn’t matter who sleeps with who and that love is love.  If you’re a racist, hang out with a black or Hispanic or whatever-race-you-hate-dude.  Perhaps you’ll see that all of those prejudices you had were wrong.  When the soccer mom veers over into your lane with her minivan and nearly runs you off the road, just smile and wave.  I guess when it comes down to it, I’m just tired of seeing so many people hating each other over having different views or arguing over petty things that clearly don’t matter or people throwing each other under the bus to save their own ass.  Be cool to others at least for a day, see what happens.  And remember the only way that this gets anywhere is if you share the word and show your coolness.