Thursday, September 20, 2012

Special Edition of Love Advice with Dr. Sleepy: The Slut Conundrum

Lately, I have been writing strictly about all things political and while I do enjoy it I don't think that all of my readers really want to hear me rant on and on about Romney.  So in response to that I decided to write something more fun and do a brief return to the love advice column.  This is a special edition though, I'm only addressing one question and it wasn't sent via e-mail but rather it was asked of me directly.  I gave my advice to the guy but I wanted to recreate it for print because it was a fairly good conversation.

For dramatic purposes here is a recreation of the conundrum I was presented with from a fellow male:
Dustin, I've been dating a woman for the past year on and off.  We've had our ups and downs and have even broken up a few times.  During those times she was admittedly (when confronted) with other men...several of them.  She has a very, what some would say, checkered past.  I wouldn't call her a slut but let's say that she was generous with her vagina.  She was unfaithful in nearly all of her past relationships and all of them ended miserably.  She hits the clubs and the booze equally hard as often as possible.  I know some shit has gone down resulting from those club incidents which is what split us up before.  She has a child from a previous relationship that I've grown fond of and find myself taking care of a lot.  Oh yeah, and we just had a baby together.  So the question is, "Is this going to last?" and "How much of myself should I invest here?"

Well the great modern day poet, Ludacris, once put it so eloquently that "You can't turn a ho into a housewife, ho's don't act right".  I know that the past is the past and many of us have done things in our life that we may not be proud of and can even become different people over a course of time.  However, how far back must we go to consider something to be "in the past".  Is it a year?  Is it 6 months?  Is it a couple of weeks?  I don't have a definitive answer but if your girlfriend has been generous with her vagina with other guys while carrying your child in her belly then I find that hard to consider "in the past".  Just because your lady friend hasn't banged a stranger in a few months doesn't mean she has changed, it simply means that she has temporarily stopped her behavior probably because she just had the baby and has to be home more often.  Here is how I see it going for you if you stick around:  You are already semi-attached to the one child and have one of your own now too.  She will eventually take advantage of that notion.  She'll start out slow by saying something like, "Oh I haven't been out in so long by myself, I would like just one night to go out.  Would you care to watch the kids?"  You, trying to be the understanding free-minded boyfriend, will hesitantly agree.  You sit at home with the kids all night wondering what she might be doing.  "Has she met an attractive stranger?"  "How much has she had to drink?"  She then comes stumbling home, kind of drunk, at around 4am.  She doesn't want to answer questions or talk she says that she is "so tired" and just wants to take a shower and get in bed.  The next morning you are stuck with getting up with the kids because she is too hungover and tired but you think to yourself, "Well, she deserved a night out.  All of this baby stuff is stressful".  You don't really discuss the previous night and you seemingly go on about your life with her but then the next week rolls around and she says that her friends are really wanting to have a "girl's night out" and asks if you would mind watching the kids again.  You may grumble a bit but you agree.  Same thing happens, she comes in a 4am, a little drunk, doesn't say much, and takes a shower.  You start to get a litte suspicous and the next morning you try to talk to her about it.  She gets angry and asks why you're so jealous and why don't you trust her.  You point out to her some of the past transgressions and it blows up into a bigger fight.  Things smoothe over eventually and perhaps she skips going out the next week to show you that she has changed, but then when things are going good again she tells you that she wants to hit the club with some friends, she may even invite you to come along, but oh wait, no one else can watch the kids.  Sorry, I guess you'll need to stay at home with them, maybe next time.  Now you are stuck, this is the cycle she is setting for you.  She comes home once a week smelling like a bum's nutsack and shows up with smeared lipstick and mascara but you cannot dare ask questions.

You will become the beta-male to her.  She will view you in the light that she can run all over you because this is her pattern.  You've heard about it from her past relationships.  You've seen it with your own eyes in your own relationship but now you are "staying for the kid".  Don't do that!  Be there for the kid, handle your responsibility, but you don't have to stay in a relationship where the woman is sharing her vagina with every stranger that tells her that she looks pretty.  People do not change in a matter of a few months.  You can't murder 10 people on a Wednesday and then say on a Friday that you are no longer a murder because you took Thursday off.  The same principle here.  If you stay and allow this pattern to happen you will look at yourself in the mirror in 5 years, see that you've wasted your primetime of life, see that you've not aged 5 years but more like 15 years, you'll have bags of sadness hanging below your eyes from the your incessant crying, you'll see the lines of anger burrowed permenantly across your forehead, and then you'll ask "What the hell have I done with my life?  It's gone!!"  You will know that in your heart that she isn't being faithful to you.  You'll know that she has a guy or two on the side not because she is a typical woman but because of her past patterns.  She'll want to keep you around not out of love but because you help take care of the kids, you provide for her, and your name is on the lease.  You will notice as time goes by that the two of you are less intimate with each other.  You might be having sex once or twice a month, at best, because she is getting her pleasure from all the strangers while you sit at home masturbating with your own tears. 

Don't let this happen, get out now.  You should've never done it anyway.  You should've known better, but it's too late now, what's done is done but you can still leave.  Sure you will forever have that connection of a child with her but you don't have to tie yourself to her as a mate.  Maybe one day you can be friends, maybe not but either way take care of your responsibility and go out there and find some happiness.  Do a better vetting process with the next girl.  Don't pick up the next girl you meet at the bar or if you do, don't plan a relationship with her unless you want this same pattern to reoccur.  Find someone who loves you, who is commited to you, who doesn't have a past filled with 100 one night stands and if she does make sure a sufficient amount of time has passed. 

And another thing, this can go for women dating man-whores.  Ladies, if you are dating a man who has been a serial-one-night offender and/or cheater, then you must leave immediately.  If he has been out plowing through skanks while you sit at home pregnant or watching the kids in the past, then he probably still is or will again.  Everything I said about the woman in the above paragraphs can be completely reversed and replace the male and female roles. 

But then again, my friend, perhaps she has changed.  Perhaps she is done with that crazy nightlife filled with strange men in seedy motel rooms with copious amounts of lube and methamphetamines.  And perhaps a three-headed alien will fly down on a fire-breathing unicorn from Planet Kolob wearing the skin of a panda bear shouting racial slurs.  It could happen. 

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Why Romney is Not the Answer: Part 2 - RomneyBot No Like Gay Marriage

Many people are still on the fence about the upcoming election. Luckily for you, I am here. I want to guide you into making the right decision for you and your beliefs. I certainly won't tell you who to vote for. I simply want to get the facts out to my readers and the most efficient way to do it is to focus on one candidate at a time and as of right now, Mittens Romney is the target...err, I mean subject. In my previous post, (which you can find here) I explained Romney's position on medical marijuana. However, through careful research I actually learned more than just his position on keeping marijuana illegal but his support for dangerous synthetic marijuana known as "Spice" and his support and financial interest in addictive painkillers. But now it's time to move forward and learn more about our friend, Mittens. Let's see how he feels about homosexuals and their rights. Come on, it'll be fun!!

 

Unless you've been living in solitary confinement for the past couple of years, you know that the issue of gay marriage is a huge hot button topic for politicians to play with. Mittens is certainly no stranger to the notion of "playing" with the topic. Romney not only has played with the topic of gay rights but he has literally played the gay community. In 1994 when a young Romney was running for the Senate seat in Massachusetts, he seemed to be a Republican champion of gay rights. (I know it's a complete definition of oxymoron, right?) He wrote a letter to the Log Cabin Republicans outlining how important he believed gay rights to be and for proof here are some excerpts or for the full text click here :







  • As a result of our discussions and other interactions with gay and lesbian voters across the state, I am more convinced than ever that as we seek to establish full equality for America's gay and lesbian citizens

  • If we are to achieve the goals we share, we must make equality for gays and lesbians a mainstream concern.

  • I think the gay community needs more support from the Republican Party and I would be a voice in the Republican Party to foster anti-discrimination efforts






See?  It's pink.  How clever of Mittens.
Believe it or not, these are real things that Romney said. Allow me to blow your mind a little more. During the 2002 Pride Week gathering in Massachusetts, Romney's crew of propaganda spreaders passed out flyers in support of the gay community. Mittens played it to the gay community that he was truly for them and their rights to life, liberty, and a fabulous time.  Now keep in mind, never in this time did he come out and say he was for or against gay marriage...exactly.  He eluded to his oppositon of it a lot and was even okay with the whole civil ceremony thing and domestic partnership.

Now I've told you all this and I left it at that you would probably think, "Mittens seems to be okay with the gay community.  What's you deal, Sleepy?  Why are you picking on poor Mittens?"  Well, because this position of good times and "full equality" didn't last.  Surprise!!!  A politician didn't keep his word!! 

In a 2008 interview with Chris Matthews on his show "Hardball",  Romney was asked where he stood on gay marriage and civil unions, an answer we all probably already knew but it was fun to ask.  Romney's response was a little more than what was expected, "Well, I would rather have neither, to tell you the truth. I'd rather that domestic partner benefits, such as hospital - hospital visitation rights for same-sex couples. I don't want civil unions or gay marriage.  But there is a difference, even when just the word is the difference. And the difference is that, if you indicate as a society that you're indifferent between a same-sex couple marrying and a heterosexual couple marrying, then it means our schools and other institutions are going to have to indicate that there is no difference whatsoever, and that obviously has societal consequences that are important."  Wow!!!  So now Romney is not only afraid of gays marrying, he's also afraid of them having a civil union.  He's terrified that kids in school will be to dumb to understand and the underpaid teachers will not be able to articulate the difference between gay marriage and hetero-marriage.  Oh dear God on planet Kolob, what will we do?!?!? 

So obviously there was a shift in Romney's ideology or he was full of shit to begin with.  How can one going from a champion of gay rights to a regular run of the mill, narrow-minded homophobe?  Well, it's one of two things in my opinion.  Number one, he never believed in gay rights to begin with and was only pandering to the homosexual community in Massachusetts.  Or number two, he found out from the Supreme Overlords of the GOP that gay rights will not be tolerated if he wants to be president. I think it's probably a healthy dose of both.  He has made sure to keep very consistent with his stance on gay marriage over the past few years...almost as if he is memorizing words from a script.  "Marriage is between a man and a woman...I do not support gay marriage"  He says these things in such a monotone, almost robotic manner it makes me question his humanity.  If you listen or watch closely when Romney is introduced to a hot topic like gay marriage or marijuana laws, you can see him almost shift into Romney-bot mode.  He is lost for his own words and reverts back to the GOP script handed to him by one of Dick Cheney's satanic minions.  Here is a great example: 
 
                                                                                           
I'll let you catch your breath from the uncomfortable laughter that probably just spewed from your soul.  Once Romney figured out the hard-grizzled veteran was a man-loving homosexual, he switched to Romney-bot mode.  He restated his weak stance, smiled and walked away as quickly as possible.  If you watched the video from the first Romney blog when he talked to the medical marijuana patient, you'll notice that he did the same exact thing.

It is clear that when it comes to any social issues that Romney does not have any clear personal opinions, he is strictly towing the GOP party line. 

Ok, so I've presented a couple of examples and you're probably thinking, "So is that it?"  Nope I wanted to share a quote from his failed 2008 Presidential bid too and see if you, dear reader, could take away what I did from it.  "My view on marriage has been entirely consistent over my political career. And that is that I oppose same-sex marriage. I also oppose civil unions . . . ever since [same-sex marriage] became a prominent feature in my state, with the decision of the Supreme Judicial Court, I have taken every action that I could conceive of within the bounds of the law to defend traditional marriage and to stop same-sex marriage . . . I've been to Washington to testify in favor of traditional marriage. I've written a letter to every U.S. senator on the topic . . . I believe that traditional marriage is right for the nurturing and development of children" 

To me it is always curious when I see such strong language used when opposing gay marriage.  In his mini-tirade, Mittens states that he took every action that he could concieve to stop gay marriage.  Now why is this?  Well, I always like to fantasize that people who talk like that are hiding something.  Is there some illicit past rendezous in Mitten's past that he is ashamed of?  Is he scared that perhaps if gay marriage is enacted that he will be enticed to leave Mrs. Romney and marry Marcus Bachmann?  Or as Joe Rogan has stated on his podcast before when talking about people like Romney or Santorum, that "maybe they are terrified that dicks are delicous"?  I'm not sure but I would never fight an issue that had nothing to do with me.

I could understand if politicians were trying to ban free speech.  If there was no free speech I certainly couldn't be doing what I'm doing here.  I would be arrested and thrown into Guantanamo Bay.  I would fight that tooth and nail.  Or if a law was trying to get passed that had some deep-seeded issue that could really effect my soul like...well, I don't know because I'm pretty open about everything.  That's why it is so curious to me why these politicians fight issues that in no way can personally effect or harm them or any of their followers.  I'm kind of in line with Rogan on this one, perhaps they are scared that if homosexuality becomes too widely accepted that they will be enticed into succumbing to their desires and go down on the first man that they see. 

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Playing with Mittens: Romney's Word Salads

I've scoured the internet for at least 10 to 15 minutes to find some great quotes from my personal antihero, Willie Mittens Romney, and then made them more fun with pictures....because, come on everyone loves pictures right?

From Great Leaders, we get great leadership
whatever that happens to be.  What was it again?


Well of course they are, my best friends Mr.
Microsoft and Mrs. Halliburton hang all
the time
 
 



He knows exactly what the ladies need.
Plus he knows that we need a big increase
in our population...duh!!

 
I just love his compassion...he really gives a shit

 
These are the words that all great bosses live by
Ok, so he didn't directly say this, but he has
implied it with his continued support for
synthetic marijuana aka "Spice"
which has made people eat their dogs.
Lastly, my favorite...Mitten's greatest verbal achievement.  A clusterfuck of words culminating in a nonsensical word salad