The Return of Dr. Sleepy and his advice

It’s been a couple of weeks since the last installment of my logical, bullet-proof, advice and I felt that it was time to return.  Oddly enough just when I was starting to think about it, I got three new e-mails asking for my wisdom.  So now in the late night hours, I will respond with well thought out, measured responses to your queries because quite frankly it’s the only peaceful time in the Good Doctor’s household.

Not so subtle, blatant, subliminal sign
that could possibly relate to this problem

I have been dating this girl now for three months.  She is very attractive and we have a lot in common.  In the beginning, everything between us was very passionate but lately she has begun to act like sex is a chore to her.  We went two weeks without sex and then when we did finally have at it she acted like she was “taking one for the team”.  She has no desire for sex now whatsoever.  She explained to me that she becomes apathetic and uninterested in sex or just about anything during the winter.  I don’t want to be the shallow dick that dumps his girlfriend over lack of sex.  I’ve read up about Seasonal Affective Disorder and other possibilities of maybe helping the situation because she is tired all the time.  This has become a fight between us all the time whenever it is brought up.  What do you think I should do at this point? – Anonymous reader (also I shortened the actual message down but I did hit the highlights)

Well that my friend that is quite a vortex of bad shit.   However, I do have some thoughts. You said that its only been 3 months, you are only 25 or 26 (as best as I can tell), and the sex thing is a recent struggle.  First we can look at the 3 months thing.  In the grand scheme of things in relationships and life, 3 months is merely a blink of an eye.  In the first 3 months of any relationship you are supposed to be only seeing the good shit about each other.  You are supposed to never fight, you are supposed to have amazing sex every day, and you both show only all the positive aspects of yourself.  Basically the first 3 months are supposed to be kind of a big lie.  It’s when you both lay the groundwork of future expectations that will never be fulfilled.  It’s usually when you keep all of those embarrassing skeletons hidden in your closet for just a little longer.  For example, when my ex-girlfriend and I had started dating she told me that I was only like the third guy she had been with, we had sex all the time, and she never complained of any of my music or movie choices.  After about 3 or 4 months passed, I learned that I was her 24^th partner, the sexing started to slow down, and she openly bitched about how terrible my music was (we still dug the same movies though).  I didn’t see the signs or actually I did see them but I ignored them, but you have to look at things that change after that 90 day period.  It’s just like most entry-level jobs, you have a 90 day probationary period and if it’s not working out…you get fired.  You need to examine what has changed these last 90 days and then decide if she is worth staying with. 

You did also mention that you thought it might be a hormonal or SAD situation because she is feeling tired all the time and is completely apathetic to everything.  In this case I would suggest that she see a doctor, see if anything is wrong, and get some happy pills.  There’s no shame in that.  If her hormones are jacked up, they can give her a cream or an injection or she can take a few rounds of hormonal pills to balance her out.  If she is depressed or SAD, then they can give her mood stabilizers like Xanax or Prozac and she can perhaps be “happy” again.  The only downside to that is, she still will have a decreased sex drive but at least she’ll be happier. 

Also remember, you are only 25 or 26.  You are young.  You have until at least like 35 before you will be forever alone.  You don’t have to tie yourself down to one option, because at that age, the dating pool is a vast wilderness full of different women and you are a hunter with enough ammo to last you until you are 35.  So go out there and hunt until you find the right thing…and then shoot it and take it home. 

I hope this helped, and if it didn’t I hope it at least gave you some things to think about.

Sleepy, I’ve been talking on and off with this girl for several months now.  At times we’ve been serious and other times extremely casual.  Over the past couple of months it has slowed down to just the occasional phone call but then the other day we saw each other.  We hung out, we made out, we talked, had a good time, and then went our separate ways.  I don’t know how I feel about her yet.  I told her that I would call her but now that we actually saw each other again I don’t know what to do.  There’s nothing actually wrong with her but I just don’t know what I want.   I still have yet to call her.– Anonymous guy

Ok, this one is relatively simple in comparison to the guy before you.  If you have talked on and off for an extended amount of time, saw each other occasionally, and then after a long hiatus you all hung out and enjoyed each other, then I see that it should go one of two ways. 

1.)  You call her, say “Hey, I had fun the other night.  We should get together again” and let it flow from there.  Give it a whirl, see what happens.  Maybe nothing will happen, maybe it will suck and you’ll say “Dammit, why did I listen to that Sleepy Dusty guy?  Who the hell calls themselves “Sleepy” anyway?  Screw that asshole and his advice.”  Or maybe you’ll say, “Thank God, I listened to Dusty.  This is fantastic.  She is everything I’ve wanted in a girl and more.  I’m so happy and I owe it all to Dusty!!!”

2.)  You call her and say, “I’ve thought about it and I just don’t know what I want in life right now.  I don’t want to drag you along, so it was nice hanging with you but like the great Robert Plant said ‘I’ve gotta ramble on, baby” and be done with it.

Either way, you can’t leave her hanging.  It’s bad karma.  Conversations that go like the second one can be uncomfortable but they are necessary.  I’ve done the “no-calling-back” thing in the past and it has bitten me in the ass every time, I ended up with a weird stalker thing.

Ok so this column ran a little long, so I will get to the other question and future questions on the next one.  I’ll have it out maybe in a couple of days as a “bonus”.

Also please remember to share this blog with others, and you can go to my Facebook page here and like it to keep up to date with all of my weirdness.  If you have any of your own “love” or otherwise questions you can message me on my Facebook page or send me an e-mail to dustyelliott95@yahoo.com.