Hairdressers with Horrible Haircuts

How confident would you
be if this were to cut your
hair?

I went yesterday to get my bi-weekly or once monthly haircut. I'm a guy so I'm really not all that picky. I drive around until I see a place that has a sign eluding to the fact that they might cut hair there and it could be relatively cheap. My hair is simple; I either shave it off or just get it trimmed up. I could probably do it myself but I'm only slightly too vain to do it in the fear of screwing it up. The last few times that I've went to various hair cutting establishments, I've noticed a new trend in the people who do the cutting of the hair. I've seen these women who have jacked up haircuts themselves. And I don't mean just a little. I mean "long-blue-streak-on-one -side-and -the -other -side -is black -and -yellow shaved- above- the- ear" kind of screwed up hair. I know that they are trying to be stylish and expressive but it doesn't exactly instill great faith in their abilities when it looks like they let Stevie Wonder have a pair of scissors and shears and a small bucket of hair paint. I hardly ever let this actually detract me from letting them cut my hair, because like I said, "I'm simple".

Sadly, she is probably cutting someone's hair right now Yesterday I pulled into a place that cut hair and I'll just call them Terrific HairCuts (just plug in different metaphors if you want to figure out the real name, I didn't want to openly disparage them) and it was the same story. A large heavy set woman approached me with two long bangs hanging on either side of her head, a little on the top, and the back completely shaven and asked for my name and what I wanted done to my hair. I wanted to crack a joke with her and say "Gimme exactly what you got!" but I feared the humor could possibly be lost on her. I gave her my order and she took me back to her chair and I was seated next to this other youngish guy. She was shaving and cutting away on me and doing a fine job but I was watching the girl next to me cut the other guy's hair. She had jet black hair that looked like a squirrel ran through it and took a shit and enough piercings in her face to mistake her for a slice of Swiss cheese. This particular woman acted like she didn't know what she was doing, she seemed like she might have taken too much valium or perhaps she had never been to beauty school because she was cutting his hair so unconfidently and apprehensively. I noticed the look of fear on the guy's face but he was being cool.

Yeah, something like this

As my hair cutting experience was coming to an end, I watched in horror as the other woman seemed to forget what she was doing for a moment and shaved a jagged patch onto the top of this guy's head. "Whoa...what the hell are you doing?" he said. The girl barely made a sound or seemed to recognize what she had just done and said, very uninspiringly, "oops". I admit it; I did chuckle a little but my hair cutting professional flipped out. All the girls in the shop gathered around this guy and were trying to figure out how to fix the mess this guy was in. "Oh maybe if we just cut it a little shorter around it, maybe it can blend" one of them said. There was no blending this shit in; his head looked like Wee Man's in Jackass 2 when he was attacked with the shears.

Oh, the shame!!

After them scrambling about for 10 minutes and trying to fix him up, I made the suggestion to him, "Dude, just let them shave it off. You could pull it off for a week or so, right?" He laughed an uncomfortable laugh and agreed. So this guy who had come in for a simple haircut and had a decent head of hair walked out with a little less confidence and head that looked like that guy from "Powder". The moral of this story is, you can't judge if your hair stylist's hair looks like it has been run over by a lawn mower with a can of paint stuck in the blade but at least make sure that she's not too high before cutting you up.