Please Don't Pass the "Bath" Salt

I don't care how pretty it is
I don't want to shove it in my nose

I have an idea.  I want to open a shop, my own business, and in this shop I want to sell rusty hepatitis needles, buckets of broken glass with AIDS blood, and self-adhesive herpes infected duct tape to wrap around one’s genitals and call the store “STD’s and Sharp Objects Emporium”.  What?  You don’t think that’s a good idea?  Why not?  Because it’s an obviously terrible and dangerous idea that would ultimately kill every customer I had and there would be people stupid enough to buy it.  Sure, my example might be a wee bit on the extreme side but when you look at the current predicament that we are in with all of this blatantly retarded synthetic drug mess it’s not that far off.  And I use the word “retarded” because it’s the only one that fits and I can justify it.  Merriam-Webster defines the word as “slowness in development or progress” and isn’t that what this whole bath salts/K2/synthetic marijuana thing is?  People selling these chemical abortions are impeding the progress of society.  They are like vultures for stupid people.  They see some naïve or blatant idiot walk into their store and they know “I can make a buck off of this”.  Going back to my horrible idea of my sharp objects and STD store, don’t you think that someone in the government would immediately come in and shut it down with no questions asked?  Of course they would.   They wouldn’t have to hide behind stuff like chemical compounds and legality.  No.  They would say, “Hey, jerkoff.  You can’t sell crap that’s going to kill everyone!!”  I would have no recourse.  I couldn’t hide behind the guise of therapeutic, aromatherapy, incense garbage; it would be obvious to everyone that I’d be selling diseases.  Why is this not obvious now?  Why can’t the government, on any level, just say “cut the shit, you can’t sell this stuff”? 

It would be so much cooler if
Walter White could explain this section

Well, I wanted to research it a bit to find out why.  According to Hunterdon Drug Awareness Program, a nonprofit group who researches drugs and addiction, it’s difficult to regulate because of all the various chemical compounds in these synthetic drugs.  MDPV was the original chemical along with mephedrone, and methylone that started this wave of retardation.  They belong to a group of synthetic cathinones related to natural cathinones found in some plants which produce only a mild effect.  The FDA had not been able to regulate these probably because they never thought people would be dumb enough to try it.  Now that the ball is rolling and many states are outlawing MDPV, mephedrone, and methylone yet another loop hole has been found.  By just manipulating a couple of molecules in these compounds they can technically call them something else and just restart the process all over.  The newer second generation, if you will, chemical is Naphyrone which is basically just some chemists messing around with the same crap and calling it something else.  Naphyrone acts as a TRIPLE reuptake inhibitor controlling Serotonin which is the natural stuff inside our bodies that makes us feel good.  We release Serotonin when we are dealing with stress and are trying to make ourselves happy, like an orgasm.  Now imagine something tripling the effect.  It sounds good in theory (a TRIPLE orgasm!!!) but too much Serotonin increases body temperatures to dangerous levels, causes irrational and erratic behaviors, and often death.  A triple orgasm sounded so much better.  This is why we read stories of people doing insane things on these bath salts and K2.  They are higher than shit and have zero control over anything that they do.  So basically, science and chemistry are blocking the outright banning of these substances because when one gets outlawed, they change the molecules around, and BAM!! A new synthetic drug is born.  The government/legal system can’t, for whatever reason, keep up.

See this is a plant, it's not synthetic.
Why is this plant illegal?

Here’s the irony of it for me; cocaine, no matter what has been added or taken away, is across the board illegal, a natural plant, marijuana, no matter what is done to it is almost across the board illegal (some states have wised up and actually bothered reading a medical study or two and legalized it because there is no harm and has medical benefits, but we’ll get to that later), meth and all of its crazy chemical concoctions is illegal, and heroin forget about it, you won’t find that at your local drug store.  So if all of these and other drugs are illegal why not just say, “Synthetic drugs not used in the form of any medically beneficial way are illegal”?  It seems simple to me.  In my opinion it comes down to too much governmental red tape.  They step on so many other aspects of the private lives of citizens and corporations, why not just one more?  Why not do something worthwhile?  Why not stop caring who wants to marry who and keeping all of their lobbyist groups happy and ban something that is so obviously harmful? 

If only he could run on this platform alone

In one of the first “marijuana” laws in 1905, the US Department of Agriculture declared that cannabis (the fancy scientific word for pot) was a poison and thus was able to start the ball rolling and got cannabis banned in 29 states and eventually by 1935 it was across the board “illegal poison”.  Now, that seemed simple enough.  They effectively banned a “drug” that at the time showed no actual poisonous effects.  Why not now?  Couldn’t Obama get to the podium in front of CNN, FauxNews, and MSN and say, “WTF?  Bath Salts??  Really??  You people are snorting this shit?  Screw it, you aren’t responsible enough.   It’s illegal, bitches!!” and then he drops the mic and walks off stage.  When things are simplified it’s easier but we can’t do it, because it would be considered improper and in bad taste.  If all of the politicians could speak freely and say what really needed to be said, our world would be such an immeasurably better place.  If they weren’t worried about offending or upsetting their lobbyist groups and went with their guts we wouldn’t have something like this. 

Did you see that?  Romney just turned on an obviously sick guy who used medical marijuana and suggested that he use synthetic stuff.  He didn’t want to offend his buddies in the pharmaceutical companies by saying that medical marijuana is beneficial, but then made a bigger blunder by being an assclown who not only ignores a sick man and his questions but suggests something far more dangerous in synthetics.  If he’s an actual intelligent human being like he claims to be (and that’s a stretch), he would’ve been able to say, “Yeah, I see your point.  We should really look into this.  Perhaps there are benefits” in a perfect world but he couldn’t suggest medicines because the guy already covered that and said they didn’t work so he went with something that was technically legal.  To me this video speaks volumes about the whole situation of synthetics and the decriminalization of marijuana.  No politician has been willing to use common sense, look at facts, and make an intelligent informed decision.

When people are raping goats in their grandmother’s dresses, leaving their baby strapped to their car seat in the middle of the interstate, or going into full scale seizures from a legal drug, then it’s time to make some sort of change.  So if you want to make some sort of difference, I have some suggestions.

·         Don’t buy it, unless you’re planning on killing yourself.

·         Boycott any store that sells it, no matter how cool the bongs that they sell are.

·         Maybe do a protest.  Protests gain attention and make for bad press for the place.

·         Perhaps drop a line to your Governor, Senator, or other ineffective state representative.  They won’t read it but perhaps an intern will see it and mention it in a meeting or if enough people write them they will just get so fed up that they might consider helping you.

·         Spread the word, share some articles (like this one, wink, wink) on Facebook or Twitter, and if you know someone doing this stuff, slap them and flush it.

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