Cheer up Facebookers, you're bumming us all out

“My life is shit; I hate everything and trust no one.  People will only lie to you and break your heart” – written by anonymous unnamed Facebook user on November 5, 2011

“I couldn’t be happier.  Life is so good right now and I’ve got the best people surrounding me.  I think I’ve found the love of my life.” – written by the same anonymous Facebook user November 7, 2011

“I wish I could just die right now.  So called friends will only stab you in the back.  Don’t trust nobody!!!” –yep, you guessed it same user on November 8, 2011

What I do everytime I read
these statuses

And thus goes the daily soap opera of people who are perhaps a little too honest and naïve on social media sites such as Facebook.  Every single day I guarantee that around 60% of what I read when I sign in to Facebook is about the ups and downs of the love lives of my many social media friends.  I think it’s great when you are feeling hopeful and wonderful about a situation but maybe you should wait a moment before making your bold pronouncements for all to see.  I never know what to say on these people’s statuses because I might see, “OMG!!  I’m so happy, I’ve got the best boyfriend in the world!!” on Tuesday but by the time I log in on Wednesday they will be talking about wanting to cut the penis off of their no good, lying sack of shit boyfriend and feeding it into the wood chipper.  What do you say to that?  “Congrats??”  “Go for it??”  I don’t know maybe tell them to gleefully chop off his penis while telling him that you love him and that he’s the best.  I know that social media is there for us to all communicate what is going on in our daily lives but sometimes I feel that it might get a little personal or at the very least not thought out very well.  And I think that if you are in some whirlwind relationship filled with uncertainty that perhaps you should just e-mail all the people you want to bum out about your jacked up relationship instead of putting it out there for the rest of us to quietly vomit to. 

I know that everything can’t always be rosy, sunshine statuses of cute kitties and rainbows but I also know that you don’t have to put every wrist slitting moment of your grim existence out there either.  I try to take the approach of talking about topics that might illicit a laugh or a conversation.  I don’t want to go login and be instantly depressed.  A group of researchers and psychologists out of Chicago back in March came up with the idea of “Facebook Depression” which basically states that people that have crappy lives filled with counting the carpet fibers on their rugs and crying themselves to sleep at night get more depressed and envious of seeing all the good times being had by their online friends.  Well, I could add to that.  I don’t have the most exciting, thrill seeking, adrenaline junkie lifestyle but when I see nothing but people bitching and moaning about how bad their life sucks, it depresses me.  I’m glad when I see my friends doing well, I might be a little envious but I’m still happy for them. 

I would like to offer my help to all the people in these shitty dead end relationships.  Trust me; I’m an expert in human relations and common sense.  Are you ready?  If you are unhappy or don’t trust the one you are with, THEN MOVE ON!!!  We only get a short time on this spinning rock we call Earth.  Your life is only a nanosecond in the great timeline of history, stop wasting it on douchebaggy cheating boyfriends or cum dumpster slut girlfriends.  Just leave.  If you don’t have kids then there is absolutely nothing holding you back.  Sure it may seem hard but you just have to do it.  You will be happier and find someone else or you could find that you do better all by yourself.  And you know who else this benefits?  All of your friends that you bum out every day with your sad repeated stories of betrayal and heartache.  If you have to question your relationship every day then it’s probably not an actual relationship, it’s what I like to call “relation-shit.”  You are not stuck, get out!!

See doesn't this make you smile?

If you don’t want to follow my advice then I have another solution to brighten up these sad people’s day.  Every time that they post some “blah, blah, blah she cheated on me.  Blah, blah, blah you can’t trust no one” statuses, you should put a smiley face or a kitty playing with yarn or a rainbow in their comments.  Just something that says, “Hey cheer up, you sad person here’s a dancing baby to make you smile!” 

***Footnote*** I should say that this only applies to repeat offenders not people who have just happened to hit a rough spot.  I’m talking about the people that bombard Facebook or Twitter or whatever with sadness all the time.  If your life sucks, get off Facebook for a while and settle your shit.