"Save the Cocks" by guest writer Anonymous PETA member

Once again I've been approached by another controversial figure wanting to put their message out on my blog.  I didn't want to do it at first but after the success and outpouring of support shown to Mr. Santorum from his guest column, I knew that I had to do the right thing.  I have had my issues with PETA in the past but when they offered me a set of Pamela Anderson's discarded silicone breast implants autographed by Ms. Anderson herself, I couldn't refuse.  The PETA member did not want to be publicly identified for fear of retaliation from chicken farmers and the Vatican assassins, so she opted to be anonymous and said that she speaks for all of PETA.  So here you go, PETA's plea against Easter.

Baby Chicken Holocaust Suvivor

We all know about the Holocaust and the massacre of the Jews in Germany in the 1940’s.  We have heard of the Armenian Genocide of 1915.  We have learned a lot lately of the child soldiers, murders, and rapes in parts of Africa led by people like Kony, General Butt Naked, and Charles Taylor.  All of these are marked as atrocities and are talked about in school and in social media but we are ignoring one of the biggest massacres in the world that happens once every year in the Spring.  I’m talking about the systematic extermination of billions of baby chickens for the amusement of children in this tradition known as Easter.  We here at PETA are appalled at the violence that we see spread out across the United States on this so called sacred holiday.  You may see a colorfully decorated egg that you’ve hidden for your child amongst the bushes but we see a hard boiled chicken abortion covered in graffiti being hunted by a chubby fingered demon. 

I have sat in my studio apartment today crying with sadness and anger just thinking about all of the chickens who will never have a chance at life.  Chickens have become to America what Jews where to Hitler.  The corporations are committing mass genocide of these beautiful, sweet, soft feathered friends every day and everyone sits back and watches.  There is no action being taken.  Well, thank Buddha & Krishna for PETA because we are the voice of the voiceless chickens.  We will unite and fight as we always do.  We will fight to “Save the Cocks”.  We will be sending our youngest, barely legal, beautiful women onto the most crowded streets in Los Angeles and New York carrying our message emblazoned onto their naked painted bodies.  We will rally in front of many microphones to any news organization that will listen.  Michael Stipe and Dave Navarro have agreed to collaborate on a PETA charity single entitled “Save the Cocks (for everyone)” and will perform at each rally.  Pamela Anderson and Khloe Kardashian have already agreed to do the photo/print campaign in which they will both appear nude while petting a large rooster. 

PETA will not stop there.  We know no boundaries.  We will not be silenced.  We are in the process of filing a lawsuit against the Pope, the Catholic Church, and all of Christianity to stop this barbaric ritual.  They started it.  They are the ones who set the wheels in motion when they set out to assist in the annihilation of our feathered friends by attacking their unborn chicken children.  We are demanding that not only will the practice of boiling and coloring eggs be banned but that the Easter holiday be replaced and renamed to honor the memory of the billions of sacrificed baby chickens.  We want Easter to be renamed Memorial Baby Chicken Genocide Holocaust Remembrance Day so that every year we can set aside a day to cry and mourn the countless chicken miscarriages that have been carried out in years past. 

If you haven’t already, please join our cause.  We need your support, and by support I mean donations, and by donations I mean your money.  All that we ask is that you donate a small $100K per year.  Every $100K counts, don’t think that your $100K won’t help.  We need that money to recruit young impressionable pretty girls at local liberal arts colleges who are willing to parade around naked in front of strangers with cameras.  We need that money to plaster our ads in every magazine, newspaper, and on-line blog within human site.  We need that money to pay our salaries, it’s expensive being a picky vegan.  We assure you that we will use at least 30% of every dollar donated to our cause to establish our Tofu manufacturing company, Tofu-ku.  But the 2^nd most important thing you can do today is remember to share this story, to spread PETA’s message of chicken love.  Knowledge is power.  Let the world know that neither you nor PETA will stand behind this yearly slaughter and shout out the rallying cry, “SAVE THE COCKS!!!”