For dramatic purposes here is a recreation of the conundrum I was presented with from a fellow male:
Dustin, I've been dating a woman for the past year on and off. We've had our ups and downs and have even broken up a few times. During those times she was admittedly (when confronted) with other men...several of them. She has a very, what some would say, checkered past. I wouldn't call her a slut but let's say that she was generous with her vagina. She was unfaithful in nearly all of her past relationships and all of them ended miserably. She hits the clubs and the booze equally hard as often as possible. I know some shit has gone down resulting from those club incidents which is what split us up before. She has a child from a previous relationship that I've grown fond of and find myself taking care of a lot. Oh yeah, and we just had a baby together. So the question is, "Is this going to last?" and "How much of myself should I invest here?"
Well the great modern day poet, Ludacris, once put it so eloquently that "You can't turn a ho into a housewife, ho's don't act right". I know that the past is the past and many of us have done things in our life that we may not be proud of and can even become different people over a course of time. However, how far back must we go to consider something to be "in the past". Is it a year? Is it 6 months? Is it a couple of weeks? I don't have a definitive answer but if your girlfriend has been generous with her vagina with other guys while carrying your child in her belly then I find that hard to consider "in the past". Just because your lady friend hasn't banged a stranger in a few months doesn't mean she has changed, it simply means that she has temporarily stopped her behavior probably because she just had the baby and has to be home more often. Here is how I see it going for you if you stick around: You are already semi-attached to the one child and have one of your own now too. She will eventually take advantage of that notion. She'll start out slow by saying something like, "Oh I haven't been out in so long by myself, I would like just one night to go out. Would you care to watch the kids?" You, trying to be the understanding free-minded boyfriend, will hesitantly agree. You sit at home with the kids all night wondering what she might be doing. "Has she met an attractive stranger?" "How much has she had to drink?" She then comes stumbling home, kind of drunk, at around 4am. She doesn't want to answer questions or talk she says that she is "so tired" and just wants to take a shower and get in bed. The next morning you are stuck with getting up with the kids because she is too hungover and tired but you think to yourself, "Well, she deserved a night out. All of this baby stuff is stressful". You don't really discuss the previous night and you seemingly go on about your life with her but then the next week rolls around and she says that her friends are really wanting to have a "girl's night out" and asks if you would mind watching the kids again. You may grumble a bit but you agree. Same thing happens, she comes in a 4am, a little drunk, doesn't say much, and takes a shower. You start to get a litte suspicous and the next morning you try to talk to her about it. She gets angry and asks why you're so jealous and why don't you trust her. You point out to her some of the past transgressions and it blows up into a bigger fight. Things smoothe over eventually and perhaps she skips going out the next week to show you that she has changed, but then when things are going good again she tells you that she wants to hit the club with some friends, she may even invite you to come along, but oh wait, no one else can watch the kids. Sorry, I guess you'll need to stay at home with them, maybe next time. Now you are stuck, this is the cycle she is setting for you. She comes home once a week smelling like a bum's nutsack and shows up with smeared lipstick and mascara but you cannot dare ask questions.
You will become the beta-male to her. She will view you in the light that she can run all over you because this is her pattern. You've heard about it from her past relationships. You've seen it with your own eyes in your own relationship but now you are "staying for the kid". Don't do that! Be there for the kid, handle your responsibility, but you don't have to stay in a relationship where the woman is sharing her vagina with every stranger that tells her that she looks pretty. People do not change in a matter of a few months. You can't murder 10 people on a Wednesday and then say on a Friday that you are no longer a murder because you took Thursday off. The same principle here. If you stay and allow this pattern to happen you will look at yourself in the mirror in 5 years, see that you've wasted your primetime of life, see that you've not aged 5 years but more like 15 years, you'll have bags of sadness hanging below your eyes from the your incessant crying, you'll see the lines of anger burrowed permenantly across your forehead, and then you'll ask "What the hell have I done with my life? It's gone!!" You will know that in your heart that she isn't being faithful to you. You'll know that she has a guy or two on the side not because she is a typical woman but because of her past patterns. She'll want to keep you around not out of love but because you help take care of the kids, you provide for her, and your name is on the lease. You will notice as time goes by that the two of you are less intimate with each other. You might be having sex once or twice a month, at best, because she is getting her pleasure from all the strangers while you sit at home masturbating with your own tears.
Don't let this happen, get out now. You should've never done it anyway. You should've known better, but it's too late now, what's done is done but you can still leave. Sure you will forever have that connection of a child with her but you don't have to tie yourself to her as a mate. Maybe one day you can be friends, maybe not but either way take care of your responsibility and go out there and find some happiness. Do a better vetting process with the next girl. Don't pick up the next girl you meet at the bar or if you do, don't plan a relationship with her unless you want this same pattern to reoccur. Find someone who loves you, who is commited to you, who doesn't have a past filled with 100 one night stands and if she does make sure a sufficient amount of time has passed.
And another thing, this can go for women dating man-whores. Ladies, if you are dating a man who has been a serial-one-night offender and/or cheater, then you must leave immediately. If he has been out plowing through skanks while you sit at home pregnant or watching the kids in the past, then he probably still is or will again. Everything I said about the woman in the above paragraphs can be completely reversed and replace the male and female roles.
But then again, my friend, perhaps she has changed. Perhaps she is done with that crazy nightlife filled with strange men in seedy motel rooms with copious amounts of lube and methamphetamines. And perhaps a three-headed alien will fly down on a fire-breathing unicorn from Planet Kolob wearing the skin of a panda bear shouting racial slurs. It could happen.
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