Why the hell has this taken me so long to do this?

I have scratched my head on why I have never started a blog.  It took me forever to be convinced into doing MySpace or any social media type thing.  I thought it was childish and pointless (which later proved to be correct) but I was finally convinced by my wife to try it and "create a profile".  I thought creating the profile was the best part of MySpace, you got to lie about yourself so people would think you might be doing better than you were, you got to add quirky little "buttons" to show how cutting edge you were and how funny you thought you were, and then you found the background that you thought best fit your "unique" personality (these backgrounds were about as unique and special as a Will Smith movie). I was told, "Oh its a way to reconnect with old friends, make new ones, and express yourself."  Nothing, and I mean nothing could have been further from the truth.  I did find a few long lost friends which was cool, I had been living away in Atlanta for 5 years, lost touch with everyone, and became a sort of hermit.  Beyond this, NOTHING about MySpace was good. I would get friend requests almost daily from some random, lonely, full-willing, sex starved housewife that just so happened to look like a porn star and oddly enough lived "in my area".  When I first recieved these, I was like "What the hell?  I don't know this abnormally hot half dressed woman!!  Why is she randomly wanting to sleep with me?" and those thoughts were quickly followed by "Yeah, this will look great with my wife."  I have this weird thing about me, that I don't like to be blatantly rude to anyone unless they push it.  I felt bad at first for rejecting these friend requests, I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  So I would send an explanation each time explaining that I was flattered but I was married, and thanked them for their offers, etc.  As time went on, I kept getting these requests everyday, multiple ones all of them strangely from the local areas around me.  Keep in mind, at this time I hadn't mentioned this to my wife.  I started thinking, "I do not remember that many Porn star looking chicks running around East TN, especially ones that were as lonely and as desperate as they seemed"  I finally told a buddy about me getting all these offers all the time, and that I didn't understand it (I'm not that good looking, I won't make you want to pour alcohol in your eyes but I also but I'm not going to be stealing Angelina Jolie from Brad Pitt anytime soon)  My buddy burst my bubble, he explained that all of these "hot, horny women" were actually PornBots out to trick me and my penis to go to their website.  My ego was hurt but at least I understood it now.
 The thing that made me leave MySpace forever was the fact that I realized it was a safe haven for all the types of people I didn't like:  dumb-underage girls taking "sexy" pictures of themselves in bathrooms with unflushed shit logs in the background, ignorant "gangsta" type thugs that were about as tough as a piece of wet toilet paper and typed with more effort to make themselves look retarded than it would've taken to write it correctly in the first place (Quick example:  yO shAWtY, wut da biDNeZZ wiT yO fiNe azZ, hOe. GIt wiT mE 4 daT reAl shIt gurrL.)  Then there was the people who were always asking, "Wanna trade pics?  Send me a picture of your c*ck!" or lets get together for a threesome or swap wives or some other b.s I didn't care about.  All of this would have been fantastic when I was in high school and single, but not when I'm married with kids.  I always asked these horny bastards, "Can you not see my profile?  Does it mention in there at any point that I am swinging with my balls out and looking to screw strangers with my wife?"  And I did always check to make sure it didn't say that before I said it, I didn't want to seem hypocritical.  So all in all it was the general immaturity, stupidity, and non-forward thinking that made me say "Screw MySpace!"

I did decide to try the Facebook thing shortly thereafter, but with heavy skepticism.  I didn't understand how it would be any different than the steaming pile of dog shit known as MySpace that I had just left.  I was drawn in again and it wound up being much more smooth and easier to find friends.  I dug it.  No one was spamming me with their PornBots, people seemed to be able to actually spell and make sense, and I felt it was more forward thinking. 

Rewind just a bit, I have always had a love of the written word.  I used to write all of the time, but I never could find an avenue to do anything with that passion.  Facebook gave me a forum to write out ideas that I thought were maybe funny, perhaps thought provoking, and when the time called for it, a place to be controversial but without sounding like a moron.  A lot of people seem to like the stuff that I write, some people say that I am funny, which to me is the ultimate compliment.  Lately, I have had a lot of people give me some actual encouragement to write more and see what happens with it.  So now, just like roughly everyone else in the world with a computer, I am starting my own pretenscious, self-righteous blog.  My cynical old ass will take the next evolutionary step in the information age.

Mainly, my blog posts will be nothing more than long form rants.  I seem to find something ludicrous and/or outrageously stupid to rant about nearly everyday.  Perhaps I can give a perception or suggestion on how to make it better or to make it not happen again.  It boils down to me wanting to eradicate stupidity in America, one reader at a time, by pointing out the daily shit that we just put up with and say nothing about.

If everyone will just listen to ME, then I will fix it all!!!